In this week back from India, going through so many delays with traveling back home, weather conditions, and jet lag, I've be surprised how I've been able to stay relatively more calm and even. The past few weeks in India at the meditation course have been helpful in opening my eyes to a deeper level of yoga and the role meditation (and going inward) plays in steadying the mind. Here are three general reflections for myself from the time with my guru, Prasad Rangnekar:
1) The amount of value placed on thinking and ideas keeps the mind unsteady.
Our western culture places a lot of value on thoughts and ideas. On one hand, this is what fuels the entrepreneurial spirit and has led the way to amazing innovations. On the other hand, it also has led to our avoidance of being able to be with emotions which keeps us stuck, devaluing intuition and being judgmental about experiences outside the world of thought.
For me, I am amazed at all the wonderful ideas that come from my mind...so much of the time, so quickly, and it can be very distracting. When I sit down to be still and quiet, practice meditation, my mind takes this as, "Sweet! We've got space and she's going to hear us!" It's off to the races. Over the years I have gone from getting swept up with these story lines and before I know it I've lived months in my mind within 10-15 minutes to slowly accepting what my mind comes up with when my intention is to meditate isn't important. At all.
My practice at this point is having a zero tolerance to thoughts and ideas when I sit down to meditate, when I'm driving or doing activities that don't require specific thoughts, or when I'm focused on something specific. Yep, that really is the majority of the time. It's the practice of vairagya or detachment.
My mind's reaction to this is, "what if you miss something big! An idea that could change the world?!" Well, at this point, I firmly believe that it's not going to be a thought that changes my world, it will be the absence of thought. My work towards self-transformation isn't external, so I'm not looking to make a ton of money or get rich quick or retire early. It's internal and it's about finding peace within. So, those thoughts really aren't going to do much for me.
Don't get me wrong, I still need to think to be in the world, do my work, enjoy life, it's just I'm working towards not placing value on them as they aren't permanent, so not worth getting attached to. I've got my work cut out for me because I've spent a lot of time attaching to thoughts (many of them worries) and it's a hard habit to break. But, I'm committed and looking forward to seeing what results from this zero tolerance practice.
2) I'm already safe and secure.
In the grand scheme of things, I've had it pretty good in this life. I was born into a household that was financially secure with parents who loved me and wanted me. My parents divorcing when I was in college was the first big loss in my life. I didn't have an severe physical, emotional, or sexual trauma.
The thing is, I still struggle with feeling safe and secure. My mind's tendency is towards worrying and trying to control life. These thought habits, over time, have taken their toll on my body. The magnitude of the mind/ body system's specific role in keeping us safe is amazing to me. There's really not a whole lot that separates us from other animals...unless we learn how to override the survival part of the brain. The majority of the time I'm doing okay and I'm safe. Yet, the mind keeps focusing on lack and looking for where I may not be safe rather than relaxing in the abundance of safety that I have.
I really was hoping I was "advanced" and had no muladhara (root) chakra issues, but the reality is otherwise. And accepting this is also getting rid of a belief I've had that my 'success' as a yogi depends on where I'm at in rising up the chakras. Really, being a true yogi is accepting where I'm at right now and doing practices that meet me there. It's so much more empowering and is actually less stressful!! (I paused right then and noticed I was clenching my jaw...and now it's relaxed. My thoughts for this blog post were coming to quickly and wanting to get it 'just right.' Ha)!
One of my new mantras is "I'm safe and secure" whenever I start to feel tension happening in my body along with some long exhalations. It relaxes me immediately.
3) Any negativity in my life is completely my doing.
I've been working with the phrase, "I'm 100% responsible for my life" since my first yoga teacher training in 2012. It has helped me significantly in reducing blame towards others and situations so I can take responsibility and work on my own part in things.
There has been deepening in this from course. I started to talk with my guru about some of the same things that have caused me stressed for years, which he's patiently listened to, and his response this time was, "why do you always complain about these things?" He said a few more things after that I don't remember. That word, 'complain,' really hit me hard. My first response was, "I don't complain! That's not me! You've got it all wrong!" I knew my reaction to it meant there was definitely something there.
I sat with this for the rest of the course and then in coming home, I watched my reactions more closely to the people and situations I just struggle to let go of. Guess what, it's all me. It's all my perception, expectations, mood, and habits. Here's one example:
I worked late one night, so in the morning I talked with my husband about making dinner, even pulled out a recipe and some ingredients for him. I got home at 8pm and the oven was just finishing heating up to cook. The side was made, but we didn't eat for another 30 minutes. I felt anger and resentment boil up. "He doesn't have good time management! Doesn't he realize what a long day I had while he went skiing? Why can't he think about me!"
Luckily, I've had enough practice to know to keep my mouth shut and question my reactions. The expectations I uncovered was that dinner would be ready to eat right when I got home, he would feel sympathy for me that I worked while he had the day off to ski, and since I gave some directions, all would be done exactly how I would do it. Ha!!! Wow, those are some high expectations for perfection.
Instead, after calming down and getting to a more neutral mind state, I thanked him for making dinner, let go of getting to bed before 9pm, slowed down myself and took time to do the dishes without anger, but focusing on what I was grateful for with my husband, with the good dinner, and with my job. I went to bed in a more peaceful place and I can now write about this with humor.
Yep, the negativity is all mine. And I'm...done...with...it! Again, a no tolerance policy with negativity is how I plan to keep facing these moments to let go of them and so they keep happening less and less.
1) The amount of value placed on thinking and ideas keeps the mind unsteady.
Our western culture places a lot of value on thoughts and ideas. On one hand, this is what fuels the entrepreneurial spirit and has led the way to amazing innovations. On the other hand, it also has led to our avoidance of being able to be with emotions which keeps us stuck, devaluing intuition and being judgmental about experiences outside the world of thought.
For me, I am amazed at all the wonderful ideas that come from my mind...so much of the time, so quickly, and it can be very distracting. When I sit down to be still and quiet, practice meditation, my mind takes this as, "Sweet! We've got space and she's going to hear us!" It's off to the races. Over the years I have gone from getting swept up with these story lines and before I know it I've lived months in my mind within 10-15 minutes to slowly accepting what my mind comes up with when my intention is to meditate isn't important. At all.My practice at this point is having a zero tolerance to thoughts and ideas when I sit down to meditate, when I'm driving or doing activities that don't require specific thoughts, or when I'm focused on something specific. Yep, that really is the majority of the time. It's the practice of vairagya or detachment.
My mind's reaction to this is, "what if you miss something big! An idea that could change the world?!" Well, at this point, I firmly believe that it's not going to be a thought that changes my world, it will be the absence of thought. My work towards self-transformation isn't external, so I'm not looking to make a ton of money or get rich quick or retire early. It's internal and it's about finding peace within. So, those thoughts really aren't going to do much for me.
Don't get me wrong, I still need to think to be in the world, do my work, enjoy life, it's just I'm working towards not placing value on them as they aren't permanent, so not worth getting attached to. I've got my work cut out for me because I've spent a lot of time attaching to thoughts (many of them worries) and it's a hard habit to break. But, I'm committed and looking forward to seeing what results from this zero tolerance practice.
2) I'm already safe and secure.
In the grand scheme of things, I've had it pretty good in this life. I was born into a household that was financially secure with parents who loved me and wanted me. My parents divorcing when I was in college was the first big loss in my life. I didn't have an severe physical, emotional, or sexual trauma.
The thing is, I still struggle with feeling safe and secure. My mind's tendency is towards worrying and trying to control life. These thought habits, over time, have taken their toll on my body. The magnitude of the mind/ body system's specific role in keeping us safe is amazing to me. There's really not a whole lot that separates us from other animals...unless we learn how to override the survival part of the brain. The majority of the time I'm doing okay and I'm safe. Yet, the mind keeps focusing on lack and looking for where I may not be safe rather than relaxing in the abundance of safety that I have.
One of my new mantras is "I'm safe and secure" whenever I start to feel tension happening in my body along with some long exhalations. It relaxes me immediately.
3) Any negativity in my life is completely my doing.
I've been working with the phrase, "I'm 100% responsible for my life" since my first yoga teacher training in 2012. It has helped me significantly in reducing blame towards others and situations so I can take responsibility and work on my own part in things.
There has been deepening in this from course. I started to talk with my guru about some of the same things that have caused me stressed for years, which he's patiently listened to, and his response this time was, "why do you always complain about these things?" He said a few more things after that I don't remember. That word, 'complain,' really hit me hard. My first response was, "I don't complain! That's not me! You've got it all wrong!" I knew my reaction to it meant there was definitely something there.
I sat with this for the rest of the course and then in coming home, I watched my reactions more closely to the people and situations I just struggle to let go of. Guess what, it's all me. It's all my perception, expectations, mood, and habits. Here's one example:
I worked late one night, so in the morning I talked with my husband about making dinner, even pulled out a recipe and some ingredients for him. I got home at 8pm and the oven was just finishing heating up to cook. The side was made, but we didn't eat for another 30 minutes. I felt anger and resentment boil up. "He doesn't have good time management! Doesn't he realize what a long day I had while he went skiing? Why can't he think about me!"
Luckily, I've had enough practice to know to keep my mouth shut and question my reactions. The expectations I uncovered was that dinner would be ready to eat right when I got home, he would feel sympathy for me that I worked while he had the day off to ski, and since I gave some directions, all would be done exactly how I would do it. Ha!!! Wow, those are some high expectations for perfection.
Instead, after calming down and getting to a more neutral mind state, I thanked him for making dinner, let go of getting to bed before 9pm, slowed down myself and took time to do the dishes without anger, but focusing on what I was grateful for with my husband, with the good dinner, and with my job. I went to bed in a more peaceful place and I can now write about this with humor.
Yep, the negativity is all mine. And I'm...done...with...it! Again, a no tolerance policy with negativity is how I plan to keep facing these moments to let go of them and so they keep happening less and less.
No comments:
Post a Comment