Taking time for myself - whether to doing something I enjoy, sitting and enjoying a cup of tea and looking out the window, taking time to make a delicious meal, or making time to go to appointments for my physical health - has become more and more of a priority for me. As I've mentioned in a previous blog post, I've struggled with some significant hearing and balance loss, as well as tinnitus for 8 months now. I've seen it as my body signaling to me, "Twyla, you've got to stop pushing yourself, taking so much on, and thinking too much!" It's been my body's way of shouting loud and clear to "STOP!"One lesson I've been learning and becoming more confident in has been trusting myself. Listening to my inner knowing of how to take care of myself and stop doing things that are "supposed to help" but really aren't helping me. I've noticed that fear of disappointing others, even my doctors, has kept me fro
m doing what I feel is right for me at times. As I'm writing this, I'm getting ready to be compassionately honest with one of my doctors and working on not being responsible for their reaction to what I've discovered I need. I'm a natural caretaker, as I'm sure many of you can relate, and the "shadow side" of it seems to be one of my biggest limitations at times. I've found the "shadow side" of care taking overly focuses on others, thus getting further and further at what I need most...to come back to myself and go inward, be still. It's a balance I've been working on most of my life and slowly, slowly, I've been able to spend more of my time focusing on the "light side" of care taking as I turn it towards myself.
3 tips I've come to accept and practice more and more the past eight months are:
1. SLOW DOWN, slow down, slow down! I can not emphasize this enough and remind myself daily of it. This means not over booking my day, taking time between appointments for myself, doing activities that are slower as well as active exercise - like sitting and enjoying the sun, going for a relaxing stroll, playing my ukulele or other creative outlets, reading a book, a regular breathing and meditation practice, and just noticing details, especially when I'm in nature. We should be spending 7 minutes in our parasympathetic nervous system (part of our nervous system the helps us feel calm and relaxed) to every minute we spend in our sympathetic nervous system (part of our nervous system that helps our get up and go energy). From what I've observed, most of us are completely flipped. Slowing down helps us mentally to be more present and calm to meet daily challenges and it helps our body functioning, allowing our body to restore and heal as it needs to.
2. LISTEN TO YOUR "GUT." Take time to listen what your body and heart are saying that you need. It's so easy to put the activities of self-care off 'until tomorrow' so we can push through other things...only tomorrow doesn't seem to come. If a "professional" or "authority" wants you to do something that doesn't feel right, remind yourself you are truly your best expert, as long as you are taking time to self-understand. This takes being able to slow down enough to start becoming aware of your mind and body reactions to things, as well as taking responsibility that it's up to you to create the change you want. Sometimes it's helpful to have someone you trust as a sounding board who can reflect patterns that they might see when we don't or are in denial about. Meditation and self-inquiry have been to two most helpful tools in this for me.
3. SELF-COMPASSION. Being kind to myself when I'm having days that are more "rough" emotionally or when my body is feeling depleted. Again, slowing down to be aware where my mind and body are at...knowing when "pushing through" is going to be detrimental to my well being. Reminding myself that I'm human, I make mistakes and that the body changing and aging is NORMAL. Treat myself like I do my good friends. And as my teacher, Prasad Rangekar says, "If it's stressful, don't do it." Practice that for a bit and see what happens.
Taking good care of our selves is as necessary as brushing our teeth, showering, cleaning the house, eating and staying hydrated. Commit to one kind act towards yourself each day for the next week and notice how it impacts your well being. Be your own best friend.
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