I was thinking about February and Groundhogs Day popped into my head as it's February 1st...then I remembered Bill Murray's Movie, "Groundhog Day," I started to think about the patterns that I have worked on over the years. To me, the concept of the movie is in line with Eisenstein's definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." We have all fallen into this behavior. One area I find the most people do this is in self-talk, especially when we make mistakes.
Most of us, when we are supporting our loved ones, friends, even co-workers or just acquaintances, would never meet their sufferings with phrases like, "Are you kidding me?! You are so stupid! What the hell. You can't do anything right!" Yet, we say these things and many more like them to ourselves often, sometimes on a daily basis. Part of it is the mind's way protecting us from potential pain and suffering externally, even though it creates internal pain and suffering. Part of it is cultural upbringing that states if we work hard enough we are guaranteed safety and security, so if we fail or make a mistake we are just not good enough. Another is for those of us who have grown up with the Disney Fairy Tale ending that again, blames ourselves if we can't just find that one person who will make us complete and worthy. All of it is complete BS and not true!
Think to yourself why you would not say these things to others who are in pain or suffering. Seriously. Take a moment and write down 3-5 reasons.
Now, coming back to yourself, why is okay for you to say these things to yourself? Why are you different than the 7 billion other people on this planet who experience pain and suffering? It isn't okay to treat ourselves this way. And, you aren't alone in this. We all do this and yet it is harmful to us physically, emotionally, and energetically.
Masuro Emoto has done studies on this with water molecules, looking at the effects of different words on the water molecules. We are made up of 60-70% water, it's something to pause and consider. Check out this video summarizing some of his research.
The words that we say to ourselves actually change the structure of water in our bodies. They also affect our physical strength. They affect how we interact with the world around us. If we believe we aren't worthy or good enough, our actions will be much different than if we believe we deserve love and compassion and are good enough as we are.
The GOOD NEWS is that words and beliefs change. They aren't the truth. They aren't facts. Which means with practice and effort we CAN CHANGE the negative self-talk and beliefs. There are many ways of doing this. Here are a few to start with:
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| From https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/animals/ groundhog/#groundhog-with-babies.jpg |
Most of us, when we are supporting our loved ones, friends, even co-workers or just acquaintances, would never meet their sufferings with phrases like, "Are you kidding me?! You are so stupid! What the hell. You can't do anything right!" Yet, we say these things and many more like them to ourselves often, sometimes on a daily basis. Part of it is the mind's way protecting us from potential pain and suffering externally, even though it creates internal pain and suffering. Part of it is cultural upbringing that states if we work hard enough we are guaranteed safety and security, so if we fail or make a mistake we are just not good enough. Another is for those of us who have grown up with the Disney Fairy Tale ending that again, blames ourselves if we can't just find that one person who will make us complete and worthy. All of it is complete BS and not true!
Think to yourself why you would not say these things to others who are in pain or suffering. Seriously. Take a moment and write down 3-5 reasons.
Now, coming back to yourself, why is okay for you to say these things to yourself? Why are you different than the 7 billion other people on this planet who experience pain and suffering? It isn't okay to treat ourselves this way. And, you aren't alone in this. We all do this and yet it is harmful to us physically, emotionally, and energetically.
Masuro Emoto has done studies on this with water molecules, looking at the effects of different words on the water molecules. We are made up of 60-70% water, it's something to pause and consider. Check out this video summarizing some of his research.
The words that we say to ourselves actually change the structure of water in our bodies. They also affect our physical strength. They affect how we interact with the world around us. If we believe we aren't worthy or good enough, our actions will be much different than if we believe we deserve love and compassion and are good enough as we are.
The GOOD NEWS is that words and beliefs change. They aren't the truth. They aren't facts. Which means with practice and effort we CAN CHANGE the negative self-talk and beliefs. There are many ways of doing this. Here are a few to start with:
- Start a Gratitude Journal and each day write 5 things you are grateful for and why.
- Cultivate self-awareness, after all if we aren't aware of the negative self-talk we can't change it. Here is a practice to start awareness of breath and body sensations. Any practice of meditation or breathing practice helps with cultivating self-awareness. Insight Timer is an amazing app and it's free.
- Do a self-compassion meditation! Www.self-compassion.org has a number of them available under the "practice" tab. Here's one I like.
- Develop a firm policy for yourself that you will no longer tolerate negative self-talk. Then any time you catch this happening, you will stop and challenge that thought and come up with a more realistic statement. For example, if you catch the thought, "You are so stupid!" Ask is this 100% true? (No). How are you feeling right now and what happened? What are the facts? (Maybe the situation is that you gave someone a second chance and then, again, they flaked out on you. One fact is you value giving people a second chance. Unfortunately, this person did the same behavior. The behavior isn't about you, it's on them. Recognize it's okay to give people second chances and to let them know your expectations and what message their behavior sends. Then you get to choose if you try it again or decide not to). What is a more realistic statement? Maybe, "I don't have control over others. Their behavior is a reflection of them, not of me. I want to give people second chances and it doesn't mean they will change. This has nothing to do with my intelligence."
The sky is the limit with this. The key is to do something different! Don't get stuck in Groundhogs Day, doing the same thing over and over and over. Negative self-talk doesn't work! It just makes things worse. So do it differently! It takes time, effort and practice. I guarantee if you keep at it, it will change.
Send YOURSELF love this February!
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