Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Ahimsa and 'light' on the mind

I'm sitting on my couch for the fifth day, sick.  A nasty head cold.  It's been a wonderful trip into all the "shoulds" trying to run my life.  The first is, "I shouldn't get sick."  Somewhere along the line, my mind decided that eating healthy, exercising, using medicinal grade essential oils, practicing yoga and its principles, being good to others, and helping others "should" GUARANTEE that I don't get sick anymore. Ha ha ha! (Oops, just fell off my chairs I was laughing so hard at myself).  Then what other thought is able to sneak in there because of this...Oh, yes: "I'm not good enough since I got sick."  WHAT??!!  How does the mind go from "I'm sick," to "I'm not good enough."  If I get sick, I'm not good enough...hmmm.  The really fun thing is that it only applies to me.  Yup, I'm that special.  Nope, not to you, just me.  Getting sick happens as a natural part of being human for everyone else, just not this human.

The next should is, "If I get sick, then it can last only three days tops and then I should be feeling better."  Crap!  It's been five days with no relief in sight.  "There's something wrong with ME."  Oh, yes, I'm to blame since it's lasted more than three days.  I've done everything I'm 'supposed to do.'  I lathered my body religiously with my oils, I've stayed at home, missed work and skiing, ate soup, rested, watched movies, and drank herbal tea, tea, and more tea.  So it MUST be me.  No other explanation.  (Except may it's just being sick).

Third should is, "if you're going to just be hanging around at home all day, you should get some things done!"  That's right folks, no "relaxing" ALL DAY LONG, when there are things that 'should be done.'  Now this one really creeped in on Day 4.  I mean, how am I to explain this to the powers that be that I'm sick when I can still walk, move my body, not on my death bed?  Get to work!!!  Again, that sneaky "not good enough" and "this only applies to me" popping up again.  Can't these two just leave me alone!

Fourth is, "If I'm not puking, have a 104 degree temperature, and can barely lift my pinky, I should be getting myself ready to go back to work."  There's a part of me that looks at this and says, "But I've not gone to work and don't want to get others sick...I've been working on this one."  Yet, if I truly own up, there's been a part of my brain that has been thinking about how to make up some of the time I've missed from not being at work.  Hence, going back to number one, "I should not get sick."


This month I'm focusing on Ahimsa, a yama and ethical principle of yoga, meaning non-violence or the meaning I like of 'love in action.'  This week's focus has been on balance and listening to the body to create balance in meeting its needs.  As a great lesson, I promptly became sick. I am grateful as it's been a wonderful opportunity to stop and listen.  And realize how much my mind struggles to listen to my body and it tries to be in control by creating amazing alter-realities, which most likely feed into the state my body is in right now.  Ahimsa can not fully be realized until the mind's alter-realities that are usually rigid and negative are dealt with, this I am sure of.

Here's to a year dedicated to slowing down, listening, creating awareness and working towards fully loving myself, others and the environment.  And here's to the head cold!