Being Compassionately Responsive requires us to go more inward in order to notice what is going on with our reactions and to notice what we are modeling. That old saying of "Do what I say, not what I do," is an example of what not to do. The best thing anyone can do to teach a child is to practice and model what you'd like to instill. Any change we want to create begins with what we have control over, ourselves.
Let's start with the cell phone, specifically smart phones. Studies show that there is a correlation between excessive screen time for kids and depression. Computers, smart phones, TV are all stimulating to the nervous system. I hear from parents all the time that they are concerned how much their teens are on social media. My question to you is how much time are you spending on your smart phone and how much time are you spending with you children without it. If you want to really check this out, there is a free app called "Forest: Stay focused." It's an app designed to motivate time periods where we do not pick up our phone to retrain ourselves that the smart phone is not an appendage we can live without. What message are you sending your children, who are trying to get your attention, but you are busy on your phone? (My phone is more important or you aren't important)?
Also, notice what is going on with how your body and mind feel after spending an hour, or two on the computer/ smart phone. I know it increases racing thoughts in my mind, my breath is short and shallow and my energy buzzing. I feel anxious afterwards and it takes a good amount of time to "come down" from it. Start with refining your habit with your cell phone. Set specific boundaries as a family like no phones at dinner or no phones after 7pm. We all grew up without 24/7 information at our finger tips... We all need to learn how to unplug...it's essential for our sanity!
Next, I want to address time management. I have become amazed at how challenging it is to schedule appointments with children and adolescents because they are going from the moment they get up to the time they go to bed. There is less and less time for them just to enjoy being a kid, the opportunity to work through boredom and into creativity, and the full schedules are part of what is creating stress and feeling overwhelmed. Again, reflect back to your personal habits. What is your time management like? Do you find yourself looking at your schedule for the day and feeling overwhelmed? Do you rush from one place to the next, leaving no room for incidences to happen like traffic and then being late constantly? Do you find yourself getting rid of your self-care activities because "there's no time?" Again, what are you modeling for your children? SLOWING DOWN is essential for being able to be more compassionate, to be more responsive than reactive, and for basic self-care we all deserve. Most of the time we are doing this to ourselves to prove we are a good enough ____ (parent, employee, friend, etc). This has to stop. What needs to happen in your life so that you have time to just sit and relax, time to reflect and be aware, time to laugh and just enjoy life? We are running ourselves ragged and teaching our children to be good enough we have to be busy.
Finally, the good news is that these and many more behaviors are just that, a behavior. They can change. We can unlearn to stress inducing behaviors and the mindset that have been taught to us and make a choice to reduce the stress we create. As you, a parent, do this, you will be teaching your children much more healthy, sustainable, and stress-reducing ways of meeting the world.
Words from my teacher, Prasad Rangnekar: "If it's stressful...don't do it."
Let's start with the cell phone, specifically smart phones. Studies show that there is a correlation between excessive screen time for kids and depression. Computers, smart phones, TV are all stimulating to the nervous system. I hear from parents all the time that they are concerned how much their teens are on social media. My question to you is how much time are you spending on your smart phone and how much time are you spending with you children without it. If you want to really check this out, there is a free app called "Forest: Stay focused." It's an app designed to motivate time periods where we do not pick up our phone to retrain ourselves that the smart phone is not an appendage we can live without. What message are you sending your children, who are trying to get your attention, but you are busy on your phone? (My phone is more important or you aren't important)?
Also, notice what is going on with how your body and mind feel after spending an hour, or two on the computer/ smart phone. I know it increases racing thoughts in my mind, my breath is short and shallow and my energy buzzing. I feel anxious afterwards and it takes a good amount of time to "come down" from it. Start with refining your habit with your cell phone. Set specific boundaries as a family like no phones at dinner or no phones after 7pm. We all grew up without 24/7 information at our finger tips... We all need to learn how to unplug...it's essential for our sanity!
Next, I want to address time management. I have become amazed at how challenging it is to schedule appointments with children and adolescents because they are going from the moment they get up to the time they go to bed. There is less and less time for them just to enjoy being a kid, the opportunity to work through boredom and into creativity, and the full schedules are part of what is creating stress and feeling overwhelmed. Again, reflect back to your personal habits. What is your time management like? Do you find yourself looking at your schedule for the day and feeling overwhelmed? Do you rush from one place to the next, leaving no room for incidences to happen like traffic and then being late constantly? Do you find yourself getting rid of your self-care activities because "there's no time?" Again, what are you modeling for your children? SLOWING DOWN is essential for being able to be more compassionate, to be more responsive than reactive, and for basic self-care we all deserve. Most of the time we are doing this to ourselves to prove we are a good enough ____ (parent, employee, friend, etc). This has to stop. What needs to happen in your life so that you have time to just sit and relax, time to reflect and be aware, time to laugh and just enjoy life? We are running ourselves ragged and teaching our children to be good enough we have to be busy.
Finally, the good news is that these and many more behaviors are just that, a behavior. They can change. We can unlearn to stress inducing behaviors and the mindset that have been taught to us and make a choice to reduce the stress we create. As you, a parent, do this, you will be teaching your children much more healthy, sustainable, and stress-reducing ways of meeting the world.
Words from my teacher, Prasad Rangnekar: "If it's stressful...don't do it."
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