The Importance of Commitment on the Spiritual Path

Man, is life full of distractions.  I'm reminded of this constantly with my cell phone.  There's something that pops up in my mind and I get on my phone to Google the question, when I notice I have some new emails. I stop to look at those and there's an interesting article I start to read.  A text message pops up and I jump over to it and start chatting.  When I'm done, I put down my phone and it dawns on me I never did look up the question which was the reason I picked up my phone in the first place.  This is just one example of the many distractions in our world and technology, at least for me, has exponentially increased the distraction rate.

Distractions are the obstacles for being able to go inward, sit still, and connect with what is truth.  This is exactly why meditation is a challenge and why practice and commitment to practice is essential. 

Sadhana is the Sanskrit work for daily spiritual practice.  It takes commitment and re-commitment when you do get distracted, which is definitely going to happen.  Commitment is a practice of intention that has to happen daily, even multiple times a day.

When I think of 12-Step programs like AA, NA, Al-anon, the phrases they use over and over are all about helping to commit, re-commit, re-commit, and re-commit.  "Take it one day at a time" means focusing on a lifelong goal can be so overwhelming and hard to grasp, leaving the door open for the mind to distract and go elsewhere, namely relapse back into old patterns that aren't helping us. Many people I have worked with who are overcoming addictions have daily practices to help them recommit to sobriety for that day.  It's much easier to commit to doing something different for a day than for a lifetime.

I like the word 'intention' for the purpose of commitment because, at least for me, it allows the reality that I'm not going to be perfect and that's okay.  I can learn when I falter through distraction and come back to an intention. For example, I used the saying, "I'm 100% responsible for my life" for one year as my intention.  I was not perfect in this at all, but each day I came back to it and I could learn from the times I did blame instead of take responsibility. Then I'd recommit to this intention.  Eventually, it's helped me pause and recognize more and more what is going on inside me when the urge to blame comes up so I can meet it and consciously choose a different path.  This practice alone has helped me immensely on a life intention of living a more peaceful and content life.  It's a practice I continue to use and commit to daily.

From the Yamas and Niyamas, the ethical practices of yoga, one Niyama is focused on the importance of commitment and intentions: Tapas or Self-Discipline.  Tapas literally means "heat." In relation to a spiritual path, it is the self-discipline of staying in the present with life challenges or 'the heat of life,' to burn away our limitations and impurities in order to become closer to the Divine, to Truth.  Deborah Adele, in her book, "The Yamas and Niyamas: Exploring Yoga's Ethical Practice," she writes, "Tapas is the day to day choice to burn non-supportive habits of the body and mind,
choosing to forsake momentary pleasures for future rewards."  This takes commitment and re-commitment.

One other obstacle to keeping commitments comes back to perfectionist thinking, all or nothing thinking, or black and white thinking.  Either we are good or bad, successful or unsuccessful.  This thinking keeps us stuck in old patterns because when we make mistakes, which I guarantee you will do as you are human, we think, "That's it, it's over."  When really this is an opportunity to learn, dust yourself off, recommit and get back on the path of your intention.  Think about learning to walk.  If a child quit after one try, where would it be?  A child tries again and again, starting from just learning to roll over, then to crawl, then to pulling itself up and finally working on taking steps.  It takes, on average, 11 months to do this, with constant, daily practice.

Remind yourself of this when you are trying to change habits. Especially since you not only have to learn a new habit but unlearn an old one.  Be compassionate to yourself!

I'm saying all of this to come back to why committing to a daily Sadhana is so important.  Figure out what this looks like for you and the dive in!  Be prepared to falter, to be distracted and have to recommit.  This is all the normal process of changing and growing. Eventually you will be doing it without much effort because being in this practice is to enjoyable and empowering...you will be living it!

Applying Ground Hog Day to How You Treat Yourself

I was thinking about February and Groundhogs Day popped into my head as it's February 1st...then I remembered Bill Murray's Movie, "Groundhog Day," I started to think about the patterns that I have worked on over the years.  To me, the concept of the movie is in line with Eisenstein's definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."  We have all fallen into this behavior.  One area I find the most people do this is in self-talk, especially when we make mistakes.

From https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/animals/
groundhog/#groundhog-with-babies.jpg

Most of us, when we are supporting our loved ones, friends, even co-workers or just acquaintances,  would never meet their sufferings with phrases like, "Are you kidding me?! You are so stupid! What the hell. You can't do anything right!"  Yet, we say these things and many more like them to ourselves often, sometimes on a daily basis.  Part of it is the mind's way protecting us from potential pain and suffering externally, even though it creates internal pain and suffering.  Part of it is cultural upbringing that states if we work hard enough we are guaranteed safety and security, so if we fail or make a mistake we are just not good enough. Another is for those of us who have grown up with the Disney Fairy Tale ending that again, blames ourselves if we can't just find that one person who will make us complete and worthy.  All of it is complete BS and not true!

Think to yourself why you would not say these things to others who are in pain or suffering. Seriously.  Take a moment and write down 3-5 reasons.

Now, coming back to yourself, why is okay for you to say these things to yourself?  Why are you different than the 7 billion other people on this planet who experience pain and suffering? It isn't okay to treat ourselves this way.  And, you aren't alone in this.  We all do this and yet it is harmful to us physically, emotionally, and energetically. 

Masuro Emoto has done studies on this with water molecules, looking at the effects of different words on the water molecules. We are made up of 60-70% water, it's something to pause and consider. Check out this video summarizing some of his research.

The words that we say to ourselves actually change the structure of water in our bodies.  They also affect our physical strength.  They affect how we interact with the world around us.  If we believe we aren't worthy or good enough, our actions will be much different than if we believe we deserve love and compassion and are good enough as we are.

The GOOD NEWS is that words and beliefs change.  They aren't the truth.  They aren't facts.  Which means with practice and effort we CAN CHANGE the negative self-talk and beliefs.  There are many ways of doing this. Here are a few to start with:

• Start a Gratitude Journal and each day write 5 things you are grateful for and why.
• Cultivate self-awareness, after all if we aren't aware of the negative self-talk we can't change it.  Here is a practice to start awareness of breath and body sensations.  Any practice of meditation or breathing practice helps with cultivating self-awareness. Insight Timer is an amazing app and it's free.
• Do a self-compassion meditation!  Www.self-compassion.org has a number of them available under the "practice" tab.  Here's one I like.
• Develop a firm policy for yourself that you will no longer tolerate negative self-talk.  Then any time you catch this happening, you will stop and challenge that thought and come up with a more realistic statement.  For example, if you catch the thought, "You are so stupid!"  Ask is this 100% true? (No). How are you feeling right now and what happened?  What are the facts? (Maybe the situation is that you gave someone a second chance and then, again, they flaked out on you.  One fact is you value giving people a second chance.  Unfortunately, this person did the same behavior.  The behavior isn't about you, it's on them.  Recognize it's okay to give people second chances and to let them know your expectations and what message their behavior sends.  Then you get to choose if you try it again or decide not to). What is a more realistic statement?  Maybe, "I don't have control over others.  Their behavior is a reflection of them, not of me.  I want to give people second chances and it doesn't mean they will change. This has nothing to do with my intelligence."

The sky is the limit with this.  The key is to do something different!  Don't get stuck in Groundhogs Day, doing the same thing over and over and over.  Negative self-talk doesn't work!  It just makes things worse. So do it differently!  It takes time, effort and practice. I guarantee if you keep at it, it will change.  

Send YOURSELF love this February!

Health and Well-being is a Process Not an End Point

I've mentioned in the past that a health area I've been dealing with consistently over the past year now is sudden hearing loss and tinnitus.  It effects my right ear, actually started about almost five years ago, with major changes happening in September 2017 that have led to wearing a hearing aid. (Thank goodness I live in a time where this is available and I have had support in obtaining a hearing aid, which is quite expensive.  I am grateful and remind myself of this often).  The process has involved facing a lot of fear that includes how I make money...listening to people...and managing the challenge of the effort it takes daily to hear and process sounds.  It can be exhausting. 

This past October, with a head cold, all of the sudden I had hearing loss and tinnitus in my left ear.  I knew that this started with the cold and most likely would clear up (whereas I do not know the reason for the right ear issues happening).  The hearing and tinnitus fluctuated daily, which also made me feel positive about it eventually clearing.  Fast forward to December and still I was having issues.  I went to my audiologist and testing showed that, yes, there had been loss of hearing, though not loss of comprehension from the nerve.  She too saw this as positive and hopefully not permanent. She recommended I go to the ENT for steroid treatment.

"Steroids."  I could feel my whole body tighten.  I've taken many courses of Prednizone over the past year with no help and just feeling awful from them: anxious and racing mind, restless, constipated, issues with sleep and when finishing them taking a good two weeks or longer to recover. I did some biofeedback that revealed my body's number one rejection to what was tested was steroids, so most likely when taking them my body was rejecting them.  Every part of my being said, "no."

The struggle has been how to be true to myself and trying to work with doctors that don't have the answers or the time to help find alternatives that go against taking a pill, while also not wanting to burn bridges of avenues for support and resources. I decided I would go to the ENT and voice my concerns.  I was first started on an OTC allergy nasal spray, which I was willing to try, and nothing changed with it.  Then I was recommended to try Sudafed for a couple of days and if that didn't work, Prednizone, the steroid. I agonized over these options and finally decided since this was a different onset for the hearing and tinnitus and no nerve damage, I would try it.

On the second day of a nine day course, it changed.  My left ear hearing improved and the tinnitus stopped.  The next day the same and the next.  In the mean time, my mind went on hyper drive.  The positive was I knew it was the medication and continued to use all my tools and practices for calming the nervous system.  I didn't experience the significant constipation as usual and I wasn't as stressed about having some nights I really didn't sleep.  I just slowed down and took care of myself. 

On the seventh day, with a reduced dose, during a stressful day at work (or my perception with my intensified nervous system), my left ear started to feel clogged again and the tinnitus returned.  It continued.  I write this on my last day of the Prednizone, after processing many feelings and thoughts around this experience.

I am glad I decided to take the Prednizone.  I went into it knowing what I was getting into and what I needed to do to take care of myself.  And it helped for a moment, though it was not lasting.  I know that I'm not willing to keep taking this medication because of the side effects.  I'm not willing to subject myself to those to manage my left ear. It has made me plant myself more firmly into continuing the process of lifestyle changes to increase my immunity and gut health, create a life that is conducive to calming the nervous system and increase overall enjoyment, and continue with my yoga sadhana (daily spiritual practice). 

I feel in my body that the hearing loss and tinnitus is reflective of lifestyle choices over the year, environmental factors and biological factors.  Some I have no control over, some I do.  It will be a continued path of experimentation and learning.

The teaching part of the hearing loss for me has been about the process of an unlearning of our American cultural belief (and a human tenancy) that there is a quick fix, a magic pill and if we could find it we'd live happily ever after. This is not the case.  When I fixate on trying to find a guarantee or the quick fix, I increase my stress level, blame myself, compare myself to others, get consumed on trying to find an outcome and miss enjoying life.

Creating lasting change in health and well-being is not a point or a finish line.  It is living life.  We are born into these human bodies that are guaranteed to change whether we like it or not.  We can fight against it and be miserable, exacerbating negativity in mind in body, or we can accept it, take responsibility and steadily make changes to our lifestyle habits and beliefs.  IT TAKES TIME, it's a continuous process and patience is essential.

Be kind to yourself in this process, find support systems that uplift you and trust yourself.  

Vishnu Mudra, why it is used in Anuloma-Viloma or Nadi Shodhana

I facilitated a wonderful group at the Avon Library this week at the Breath Workshop.  One of the questions that came up, which has come up in past Breath Workshops, is why do we use Vishnu Mudra?  I have continued to search for the answer and I am excited to finally have an answer to share!  This comes from Indu Arora in her new, comprehensive book, "Mudra, the sacred secret."  Enjoy!

"In this mudra, the right hand is used, as it is associate with giving, while the left is associated with receiving...The Vishnu Mudra helps in balancing and filtering of the Matuta (air element) to form Prana, as it triggers the Phana marma points on either sides of the nostrils, due to the position of the thumb and fingers on the nostril...The energies of fire (thumb), earth (ring finger), and water (little finger) elements are allowed to flow freely, whereas the energies of air (index finger) and ether (middle finger) current are harnessed in the formation of this Mudra."  - Indu Arora, "Mudra, the sacred secret"

Vishnu Mudra
Art from https://yogafloga.com/pranayama-breath-control/

Non-Attachment in giving and receiving

The holiday season and end of the year is filled with giving in so many forms.  The Yama, Aparigraha or Non-Attachment, is a reminder to focus on our state of mind as we give.  So much of the holiday season is about the external: gifts, food, parties, and traditions.  These can start to take on the form of obligations, 'have tos,' and expectations, which end up creating a more heavy feeling rather than coming from a place of joy and gratitude.

Aparigraha or non-attachment applied to giving allows us to come back to focus on the intentions of giving, rather than the outcomes.  If you've been upset because you gave to someone and they didn't give back or when you gave there wasn't appreciation...you are attached to the outcome of your giving, which means there is an expectation of "if I give, this person will feel/act by doing _____."  When they don't, our reaction is anger and resentment. 

Instead, come back to why are you giving in the first place?  If it's because of a 'supposed to' or 'it's expected' or 'it's just what is done,' again, this is rooted more in an outcome and not really based out of a loving place.  Giving, when done from a place of love and joy, is more satisfying and meaningful than when done out of obligation. The other piece with coming back to the intention of your giving that is the action of giving can then being done without attachment to the outcome.  Have you ever given to someone who had no idea it was even you?  It can be an amazing feeling because it's more about the intention of bringing joy to another rather than wanting the gratitude of the person in return. Which is ultimately about ourselves, rather then the person we just gave to.

The other side of the coin is receiving.  Ooooooo, can this be a challenge!  Again, so many times when someone gives to us, there can be a feeling obligation or guilt...maybe a of feeling now I have to give to that person.  Again,this is an attachment to a belief that it's not okay to just receive.  This can come from a cultural belief of being independent.  When someone gives to us, there is connection, which we all need.  But, our belief system can get it mixed up with feeling dependent on that person.  The other thing about struggling to fully receive, is that this energy can rob the joy for the other person who is giving and it keeps us from showing full gratitude to the other person, just by enjoying what was given.  So many times we are all searching for ways to help others, especially in a world we feel so separate from each other at times.  The act of receiving, as well as giving, helps to foster connection. Being able to receive gracefully is just as important as giving.

In yoga, the practices of restorative yoga and yoga nidra are wonderful exercises in just taking time receive.  Giving yourself a gift of pampering, time to go inward, time to rest are also wonderful ways to practice giving and receiving to ourselves.

Breathing practices are another a way to practice giving and receiving.  When we inhale we receive, when we exhale we give.  The breath techniques of equal inhale and exhale with abdominal breathing or Coherent Breathing are examples of this.

My encouragement to all this holiday season is to pause, come back to your intentions of giving and be open to receiving with no energetic strings attached to the outcomes.  Just let your abundant joy and love shine through!

Finding peace in a fear based world

As November begins, it is the month in the USA that we celebrate giving thanks, being grateful for all that we have and the people who are in our lives.  It is more important than ever to keep this practice going all year long as our culture has moved more and more into being fear-based. When we focus of fear, we are only getting half the story, and I truly believe that going with fear keeps us from seeing reality for what it is.  Fear covers up the positives and the abundance in our lives.  Here are some specific practices to do throughout this month and through out the following year to cultivate more positivity, gratitude, and peace in each day.

1. The practice of gratitude.  This is such an important practice.  Every time I do it, I feel lighter and more connected to humanity, trust and faith.  There are a number of ways to practice this.  The important part is that finding ways of coming back to gratitude throughout your day which then starts to cultivate more of a gratitude lifestyle. 

First, is keeping a gratitude journal.  There's something about writing down these positive statements.  Maybe doing three a day in the format of "I'm grateful for _______ because ______.  If writing is not your thing, taking a moment at the end of each day to think about three things you're grateful for or even doing this with a family member out loud.

Second, you can connect coming back to what you're grateful anytime you feel sad, angry, or jealous.  Reminding yourself that there may be these emotions and there can still be gratitude. IT may even help you respond to the situation you are in with more intention and kindness.

Third, writing notes to a different person once a week to communicate why you are grateful for them. Spread the love!

Here are a couple of other resources to help with the gratitude practice: "The Gratitude Diaries: How a Year Looking on the Bright Side Can Transform Your Life," by Janice Kaplan; "The Little Book of Gratitude: Create a life of happiness and wellbeing by giving thanks," by Robert A. Emmons PhD.

2. Focusing on Abundance!  We tend to focus on lack...what we don't have, why we aren't good enough, comparing ourselves to others and thinking how much better they are than ourselves.  This only brings in self-judgment and criticism, which fosters negativity.  

When you find yourself doing this, STOP!  Then change your awareness to all the abundance in your life, everything you do have and what is going well.  We all have wonderful things in our life, even just as simple of having a roof over our head and food to eat.  Challenge yourself to come up with 10 things.

Another way of doing this is focusing on what is pleasant now.  Look around the room you are in and notice what parts of the room or items in the room that are pleasant.  Focus on why they are pleasant to you. Shift your awareness and find another item.  You can do this at anytime, anywhere.  When we focus on pleasantness, we are activating the reward part of our brain, which can release oxytocin, a relaxing chemical.  Try it and notice what happens.

3. Seek out positive things.  Traditional 24 hour news stations are filled with negativity and what they report on is not the only things happening in our world.  Seek out positive news and stories to connect with the amazing loving kindness that humanity is capable of.  Upworthy.com is a great place to start.

Seek out inspirational people and quotes.  Put inspirational quotes up around your home so you see them every day as reminders.

Listen to inspiring music or podcasts.  Fill your ears with positive thoughts and ideas.

REMEMBER: You have a choice on what you surround yourself with and where you put your focus and awareness.  Make a conscious choice, rather than letting the external world choose for you.  Yes, there is suffering and tragedy.  There is ALSO loving kindness, joy, and human beings doing wonderful things to lift us up. 

I'll leave you with this Cherokee Indian legend to ponder:

 An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” 

The practice of Aparigraha or non-attachment

"Anger is like a holding a hot coal, the only one that gets burned is you."

This quote speaks to Aparigraha, one of the Yamas from Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, an ethical principle of yoga.  Aparigraha means non-attachment or non-holding.  Our attachment or holding onto physical things, emotions, beliefs and thoughts cause us suffering.  Like this quote says, we can hold on to the anger and resentment from a situation, but once the situation has ended, it is the anger we refuse to let go  that causes us to continue on in misery.

I also like to use the analogy of trying to hold onto a wet bar of soap as well.  When we are fighting against reality and trying to make it what we want, it's like trying to squeeze a wet bar of soap...it will keep flying out of out control because we never had control of it in the first place.  When we are focused on clinging to something, whether it be a relationship, wanting an certain outcome, or an idea, the usually desperate clinging creates more stress than if we would find a way to let go and allow things to work out as they need to.

Where I live, there has been a wildfire that has been burning close by.  The smell of smoke and at times the clouds of smoke and raining ash are a reminder of what the fire is burning up in its path.  One of my friends has been close to those who are involved in fighting the fire. She said a couple of things that resonated with me and bring me back to Aparigraha.  

The first was how amazed some of the firefighters were that a small town near where the fire started didn't burn down.  A big part of this was just luck of what the fire ended up doing.  She shared that the fire has had "a mind of its own" and doing many things that aren't always typical of a fire.  I can only imagine that these firefighters really understood that despite their efforts,the outcome was more about nature does what nature does and we don't have much control over it.

The second thing she shared was feeling sad about the loss of some of her favorite mountain biking trails because of the fire's path.  Yes, this is a loss of fun times and memories, at least until the area recovers.  The reality is that we live in the west and fire danger is high...increasingly higher each year.  There will be wildfires.  We won't know where they might start, but they will happen.  There are areas and towns that have been accepting this fact and have done some amazing fire mitigation to clear areas of dead wood that is fueling these massive wildfires.  There was a great example of how this acceptance and hard work help save homes and businesses this spring in Breckenridge, Colorado.  By accepting what is, we can make choices that are going to be more helpful to our well being.  If we don't and fight reality, we are turned away from where we actually do have control with our intentions and actions. 

And the loss of the mountain bike trails is actually very normal.  The two guarantees in life is that things change and our bodies will die at some point.  Loss is a part of life and it opens up to new beginnings.  Remembering this can be helpful in moving through grief, no matter what the loss is.  

Here are a couple of ways to practice Aparigraha:

1. Breathing, especially focusing on a longer exhale. The inhale is always followed by the exhale.  If we cling to the inhale, we will die.  The exhale is a practice of letting go and a longer exhale allows a more full letting go happen.  Notice how you feel after a few of these longer exhale breaths.

2.  Look at the material items in your house.  Are there some things that you are clinging to?  Items you no longer use but can't seem to let them go?  In Marie Kondo's book "The Magic of Tidying Up," she reminds us that by clinging to our stuff, we don't allow those items to fulfill their purpose.  If you have boxes filled with unused items, these items are trapped and unable to fulfill their destiny.  By allowing them to move on to the next person who can use them, they can fulfill their purpose.  Most of us know how fulfilling it is to be in our purpose and what it feels like to feel purposeless.

3. Be with yourself in a difficult situation or take a Time In.  Take time to observe how your are feeling and what thoughts arise.  This allows the process of choice to arise.  Do you choose to hold onto those reactions or let go of them and move to a response that may feel more helpful and come from a more compassionate place.  An example of doing this is on the Samya Yoga Healing YouTube Channel.

And be compassionate with yourself...we all can use practice with Aparigraha!  We are all clinging to something.  If we weren't clinging, we'd be fully in a peaceful state of mind...I know I'm not there yet.

Real detachment is not in letting go of activity but letting go of the attachment. - Prasad Rangekar